Fundraising for Nicaragua

Last week, I received confirmation that I will be going to do voluntary work in Nicaragua for 10 weeks in September. In order to participate in this unique opportunity, however, I need to fundraise £800.

My first step toward fundraising the money was the personal challenge of being silent for a day. As someone who loves to talk, speak to new people and engage in small chit-chat, I did not actually appreciate how much of this would be a challenge to me. So far, I have been silent for four hours and I can safely say that these have been a challenging four hours.

While some of my friends try to provoke me with statements which would normally get a strong reaction from me, it becomes more a humorous situation where my facial expression just shows disapproval. However, when I walk past someone who I would normally just greet - I struggle to block the words out of my mouth. It feels like I have to block all these words that want to come out, and while they are not verbalised they run around my head erratically.

My reaction to the challenge has been interesting. I could keep it safe; stay sat down and only interact with those who approach me. Instead, as a friend said, I go after the 'attention'. I think this is to compensate for not being able to speak. I cannot go unnoticed, I need to do something; I need to interact.

What has my challenge showed me? 

It has undoubtedly showed me how much I love to communicate with people. Restricting my communication with others is a tremendous challenge for me, at both a physiological and emotional level. I feel that I am not allowing myself to be me.

It has also demonstrated to me how many aspects of our daily life we take for granted. We all communicate, and while loosely quoted statistic that 80% of communication is non-verbal, today I have had the opportunity to appreciate and value of those 20%.

The purpose of a personal challenge while fundraising is to 'suffer'

I am grateful I gave myself this opportunity to be silent for a day. Sure, I have laughed a lot but I have also faced a tremendous frustration of not being able to express myself fully.

Here's to another 20 hours...

If you want to donate and find out more about the cause, please give my Justgiving page a look:

https://www.justgiving.com/Bea-Marques 

Regret

I have found that one of the things that we, as individuals, struggle with greatly is self-forgiveness and the subsequent self-love. We are experts in remembering clearly all the 'mistakes' that we have committed, all the words that we wish we could un-speak and the actions that we dream of un-doing. It's as if we forget that we are human, that we aren't perfect and that mistakes happen.

While I personally hold myself down for everything wrong that I recognise to have done, feeling regret for not having known more, I am also some-what liberated by that feeling. It's the very feeling of regret that allows me to know that next time, I'll know differently and act differently. It's the very regret that leaves a mark on my soul telling me to be more careful next time. It's the very regret that reminds me that I still have so much to learn, to grow and that's ok. Articulating this outstandingly is Kathryn Schulz in her TED talk 'Don't regret regret''.

We all make rash decisions that lead to imprudent actions. It has happened to all of us, every single one of us. The art, however, is in learning to walk with that regret and learning to embrace it. It's learning to forgive yourself for not having done better, and to ultimately, learning to love every part of you (including regret!).

We aren't always going to get things right the first time round, perhaps not even the second or third time, but eventually we will learn. We will overcome that regret with a flooding sentiment of love and compassion, knowing that we acted the best way we knew how to at that time. That is the art of self-forgiveness.

Everything has a greater reason, even if in the moment you can't see it.

3 reasons why I already love Madrid

I have been in Madrid for 72 hours and I can tell that this is an incredible city. 

1 The People

As a proud Portuguese, I have always been slightly reluctant toward the Spanish people - the typical neighbour competition. I've been missing out in life. Spanish people are incredibly warm and friendly

2 Public Transport

This might sound as a strange reason as to why you love a country, but it makes all the difference. I certainly loved living in São Paulo, but being in a country with easy, clean, accessible public transport is just perfect. It makes being a tourist all that easier. 

3 The Nightlife 

I'm not one to shy away from going out in a foreign country, and doing so in Madrid proved to be incredible. Every culture has a different way they approach a night out. In the UK we like to get dressed up (arguably the best part) and have a laugh. In Spain, you dance the night away - quite literally. Not only does the night out start much later (3am) but everyone dances, dances and dances... 

Also, don't be surprised if one moment you're dancing to Maroon 5 and then find yourself dancing salsa. 

Feminism

My friend recently shared with me that she didn't want to do a Masters on women’s rights as she didn't want to be coined to the ideal of a ‘butch, hairy, lesbian’. Society still largely assumes that if you’re a feminists (or interested in gender equality) then you have those attributes. 

The sad thing is that this discourse on feminism actually hinders people's ability to understand what feminism is truly about - something which feminist scholars themselves debate extensively. 

Myth 1: Feminists only care about women! 

Feminism, like most political concepts, is something that is widely discussed. It’s a term that has become so broadly used that it has lost some of its meaning in the journey. This is explored by the story teller, Isabel Allend in her Ted Talk ‘The Tales Of Passion’, where its stated while feminism, and the questions that arise with this thinking, are so important, the name attributed to thin thinking is less important.

So, simply phrased, feminism focuses on exploring the role of gender in society to establish equal opportunities for women. What is forgotten is that to establish equal rights for women, there must be their equal, men.  Hence, feminism isn't about the advancement of women's rights at the expense of men's - it's about the development of women's rights so that they can have the same opportunities as men. Really, then, feminism should be understood as a study of gender and its impact on society.

Myth 2: If you're a feminist, you believe in ABSOLUTE equality - men and women are equal in every sense

Through focusing on the role of gender in society, feminists are able to see the social injustices that hinder both women AND men. For instance, why is it that men must go fight in the war to save women and children? And what happens when women join the forces, who are the men fighting for? Why is crying associated with being ‘girly’ and ‘girly’ associated with being weak?

Feminists, then, account for the different expectations of men and women, and ask question 'why does it have to be this way?'. It is obvious that has a general rule, men have greater physical endurance and women tend to be better at multi-tasking. It's through learning to appreciate these differences, and understanding them, that feminists aim to empower the individual. 

For instance, through her slam poetry, Blythe Baird shows the underlying gender-bias that stills forms part of societies thinking. The poet expresses how while wearing a dress girls feel ‘pretty’, suits are associated with ‘power'. Baird's poem is great example of how by focusing on gender, and the issues that surround it, so much information and other knowledge surfaces. 

Myth 3: Feminists hate sex 

Anna Binkovitz in her slam-poem expresses how the feminist movement is also part of sexual liberation. Binkovitz, among other issues, challenges the convention that certain sex positions are reflective of male power, but are they really? In her poem ‘Suffragette 69’ she expresses how feminism is a liberating movement, not something that feminists ought to feel repressed by.

In similar vein is the Ted Talk by Chen Lizra, a famous dancer, who explores the power of seduction. While her talk can easily be criticised from a feminist point of view as it can be considered to objectivity women, like the work of Binkovitz, it's about the liberation of women. Lizra’s research on seduction allowed her to come to the conclusion that seduction is a powerful tool in helping achieve “self confidence, and self confidence leads to success in all areas of life - personal and business”. Thus reflecting the importance of embracing who you are. 

By focusing on gender, by being a so-called feminist, then, it is possible to analyse issues that are otherwise ignored. Without a doubt there exist feminists who do believe women are better then men - these, however, are an exception to the rule. By believing in gender equality, by focusing on the role of gender, you able to empower both sexes - not just women.

UKIP

With the 2015 general elections around the corner, I decided to research more into the parties and their policies. Wanting to particularly understand more about UKIP, I ventured into their website.

1.  Protecting jobs and increasing prosperity

Aware of the nation-wide concern involving unemployment, UKIP have made clear their interest in ‘protecting jobs and increasing prosperity’. How will this be achieved?

“UKIP would not seek to remain in the European Free Trade Area or European Economic Area” since, accordingly, they impend the UK’s ability to mange their borders. Yes, these are treaties that allow for immigrants to work in the U.K., but they are the same treaties that allow for British citizens to go work in any participating EU country. Equally, they have contributed vastly to the ease of travel that we now have the luxury of enjoying in Europe. 

Also, important to note, the unemployment rate in the UK has actually been decreasing, which begs the question: is such drastic action really needed? 

2. Leave the EU

Carrying on reading through their ‘Policies for People’, the party makes it clear how, if elected, the UK will leave the EU and will save “at least £8bn pa in net contributions”. Interestingly, they don’t explore the other one hundred issues that would ensue with such action.

3. Leave the jurisdiction of the European Court of Human Rights”. 

This speaks for itself.

4. The discourse: immigrants are stealing jobs!

It is transparent as to why these policies are so concerning for me, given my status as a foreigner in the country. These policies, however, have a far greater impact than the lifestyle (and job choices) that I could potentially have in the future. The discourse employed by UKIP, and all political parties, should be well analysed before adopted as your own belief.

Immigrants are not “stealing” jobs: we are not waiting for you to trip over so we can take your career. Moreover, if the concern is with immigrants taking low paid jobs, then perhaps the question should be: why are there such low paid jobs? 

UKIP tactfully blends in with their negative discourse on immigrants and the EU policies that make even me want to vote for them. After all, who wouldn’t be interested in voting for a party who is looking into the reduction of University tuition fees? For there to be more free-parking on the high-streets? And to continue pensioner bus passes?  

Like any political party, UKIP has policies that can be considered more than appealing. Careful attention, however, should be placed on the discourse employed and the ideas that are generated as a result.

What are your opinions on voting for UKIP?

To let go or not

When something ends you are left with what now question. Your life as you knew it changes. Be it from a change in the family environment, change in career or maybe even a change in your country of residence. 

With the new year around the corner, a lot of us are pondering about 2015 and the changes (and continuity) we want it come with.  Also known has the famous new year resolutions, which more then often start and finish in January.

2014 was perhaps the best and most challenging year of my life, then again I say that every time. Perhaps because I feel comforted by the idea that there can be a clear beginning and end. This, however, brings another question into mind: to let go or not?

How do you know which things are worth holding onto and which aren't? How do you know which are the welcomed changes, that bring that greatuncertainty, and those changes which are you running away from yourself?

How do you know what you want? And I don't mean, do you really want that two week all-inclusive holiday, I mean what do you really want. How do you know what really makes you happy and how do you stay faithful to that ideal?

Maybe the only way we can answer this is if we take a step back (or two) and have a fresh opportunity to re-evaluate our life's. A dear friend said to me, "When I die, I don't want my grave to say the girl who lived with a broken heart. I want it to say, the girl who helped change the world". It's this same logic where another great friend of mine asked me, if I was to write an auto-biography would I be happy with the stories it contained?

A new year is a great opportunity to clearly ask yourself what is worth holding onto and letting go: what dreams to peruse and which to let go. Remembering always, that you cannot loose what was never was yours, and that what is yours, will always come back around.

Happy New Year!

The failed chase

We chase happiness. We buy the latest iPhone, follow fashion trends and listen to the UK top 40 hits which are essentially about not existing without your significant other half. Sure, we have moved some-what away from that 1960s stereotype of the perfect housewife/husband... but we are still indoctrinated through media that the essence of life is to grow up, getting married, have two beautiful children and live happily after... and if things don't go this way, then we get a bit lost and confused. Where are we going wrong?!

What if you're the 25 year old who doesn't want to get married and have children? But, since everyone else around you is doing it... you start to question yourself. Or, what if you're the 21 year old who has met the love of your life and don't have the slightest interest in, let's say, travelling the world? How do you differentiate what is your true desire and what society is imposing on you?

Why do we think we have to hate people who have hurt us? That it is embarrassing to tell someone you like them? And even worse... it's humiliating to be different? Why are we so scared to simply exist, to simply be? When we live in a society that is full of ideals of what is right and what is wrong, of how we should or shouldn't feel... how do you find out for yourself what truly makes you happy?

I don't think that the problem in society is peer pressure. I think that most of the time, we are all just a bit lost in trying to figure out who we are, what we want and where we are going. Since we started school, we have had numerous people telling us how things ought to be, that in the process you loose your gut feeling: you can't tell what's right and what's wrong. The result is a series of good and life bad decisions, where we often find ourselves asking: what did I do to deserve this - for both the good and for the bad. We have such an underlying fear of rejection and not being good enough that we protect ourselves with this I don't care attitude, when deep down.. we all care. We all just want to be happy.

The problem is, that while we are chasing happiness... we forget that it is in right in-front of us. That happiness is being at peace with yourself, and that the only true way you will ever be able to bring happiness to anyone else is if you're happy in yourself.. independently of.