Recovery

The road to recovery is one of the most scary roads to walk down - but equally most rewarding. Undoubtedly the hardest thing is to admit you have a problem. We all repeat the mantra I can stop when I want to. But can you? Can you give up T.V., your sense of entertainment? Your social networks, your sense of belonging? It is a lot easier said than done. If you don't believe me, why not try and give up something that makes you feel good.

With drugs and alcohol (or shopping, sex, gambling...) you feel good. When you participate in these things, your feelings are numbed. That pain vanishes. It's heaven. Or when you snort that coke, that sensation. You are at the top world. Everything is crystal clear. You are unbeatable.

But then..
it's a downfall

Reality. You feel mentally, physically and psychologically worse. Your problems are there, but now trapped with them with this sense of utter disgust, shame and guilt. You truly are just as bad as those looks that people give you. But this sense is quickly forgotten, you've already got that extra 40 quid in your hands and find yourself down the street of your dealer.  You don't have a problem, you just enjoy getting high. You can stop whenever you want.

But then...
comes that day. You find yourself walking down the streets at 5 o'clock. The sun is setting and everyone is wondering off into their homes. You stop by a house and take a look. Inside you see a cute three year old girl playing with her barbie. On the couch are her parents, cuddled with a blanket watching a film. Its that home you never had. You remember your mum who you stopped talking to four years ago. You carry on walking, your shadow disappears and all you see is gloom. The girl walking opposite you crosses to the other side. It starts to spit with rain, but you find your house. You push through the door. It's pitch black and there is a stale smell. You look around for some food, but all you can is the foil and some syringes. It hits you. You fall to the floor and shake nervously. Halve of your friends are dead after overdose, the other are in prison or missing. You have nothing. You have never been so alone. You have a problem.

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

I take my hat to anyone who can do that, because most of us can't.